The Therapist I Had to Break Up With: Real Talk on Finding the Right Fit in Therapy

Vol 1, Issue 5

Disclaimer: The following is based on personal experience and is not intended as professional mental health advice. For personal guidance, always consult a licensed therapist or healthcare provider.

Therapy: Because Dating Isn’t Stressful Enough

The first time I ever set foot in a therapist’s office, I was going through a divorce. And it’s not like therapy had never crossed my mind before; it just wasn’t on my life’s menu. Where I grew up, people didn’t exactly toss around words like anxiety disorder, bipolar depression, or ADHD. When kids did get labeled with something, they were mostly teased for being “hyper” or sent out of class. No one around me really talked about mental health in a constructive way.

Fast-forward to my late 20s and early 30s, and my friends and I finally started admitting we’d been grappling with anxiety or depression for years. We basically had to learn everything the hard way—how to find resources, who to ask for help, and that it’s okay to talk about feelings without wearing a giant “I’m Broken” sticker on our foreheads.

So there I was, mid-divorce, looking for my first therapist in the same desperate way you might search for toilet paper during a shortage—scouring Yelp reviews, analyzing bios, and crossing my fingers I’d find someone who didn’t look like a serial killer in their headshot. Then came the bigger question: Could I even afford this? Sessions ranged from $200 to $400 each, which felt more like a mortgage payment than a mental health service. And if you think that’s bad, try actually calling a dozen offices, leaving voicemails, and then getting ghosted—or immediately turned off by someone’s monotone “Hello?” on the other end. Not exactly the best first impression.

Eventually, I settled on a therapist who started out as our couples counselor. When the couple part fizzled (my divorce was a done deal), she became my personal therapist for nearly four years. During that time, I learned that finding a therapist is a lot like dating—you can definitely overshare on the first date, and you might hang on too long even when it’s not serving you anymore.

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When Therapy Feels Like Speed-Dating

(“I Unloaded My Entire Life by Session Three”)

I’ve always been a people person and a people-pleaser to the max, so when I started one-on-one therapy, I unleashed my entire life story in record time. Family history? Check. Childhood trauma? Check. Sexual history? Why not. Life ambitions, bizarre fears, and that awkward middle school phase? Sure, let’s throw that in there too.

If this had been a normal date, my poor companion would’ve sprinted for the door. But therapists? They’re trained to handle it. Mine listened to all my stories for years, offering insights and the occasional tough-love challenge. Then—kinda like a long-term relationship that quietly loses its spark—our sessions began to feel more like friendly catch-ups than actual therapy. I needed someone who pushed me a bit harder, and it was clear she could only nudge me so far.

Cue the therapist break-up. Let me tell you: ending things with your therapist can be even more awkward than ending it with someone you once binge-watched Netflix with. After all, this person knows your weirdest secrets. But eventually, I realized I had to do it—for my own growth. So I set off on another therapist hunt.

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It’s Not You, It’s Me (Or Maybe It Is You)

Finding a new therapist the second time around felt like swiping through an app, except instead of judging people’s photos, I was scanning credentials, specialties, and random vibes I got from quick phone calls. I tried four therapists in two months. FOUR. Each time, I’d spill a bit of my story, check if we clicked, and then either commit to another session or politely vanish into the night (metaphorically, of course). It was exhausting and felt absurdly similar to speed dating.

But it also confirmed something crucial: therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s a deeply personal, emotional, and sometimes physical journey (I’ve definitely cried to the point of headaches). When you find that click, it’s like being on a date where you say, “I could really get used to this.” The next big lesson? Sometimes you do outgrow a therapist—maybe your issues evolve, or you just want a different style. Don’t guilt yourself into sticking around. It’s okay to set off on another quest if you’ve hit a plateau.

“Trust is built in very small moments.” – Dr. John Gottman
In therapy, it’s all those mini connections—tiny breakthroughs, brave confessions, and moments of honest empathy—that eventually build the solid ground you need.

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Tips of the Week: Finding “The One” (Therapist Edition)

1. Get Clear on Your Must-Haves
   Cost is a real factor—no doubt—but figure out if there are non-negotiables that matter even more. Do you need someone who specializes in trauma? Anxiety? A certain cultural background? And do you prefer in-person or telehealth? A little clarity goes a long way.

2. Interview Therapists Like Dates
   Don’t be afraid to ask questions in a free consult or first session. “What’s your approach?” “How do you typically handle clients with XYZ?” You wouldn’t commit to a relationship without some intel. Same goes here.

3. Do the Chemistry Check
   Yes, therapy can get uncomfortable. You’re facing your demons, after all. But you should still feel a basic sense of safety and acceptance—even when challenged. If you sense judgment or a weird vibe, it might not be your match.

4. Mind the Budget, But Don’t Let It Rule
   Therapy can be expensive, but it’s also an investment in your sanity. Check insurance coverage, sliding-scale fees, community clinics, or even group therapy options. A therapist that truly fits can save you time (and money) in the long run compared to forcing yourself to sit with someone who doesn’t “get it.”

5. Know When It’s Time to Move On
   Breakups with therapists are real. If you’ve plateaued or your needs have changed, it’s okay (and healthy) to say goodbye. A good therapist won’t begrudge you; they’ll likely applaud your decision to keep growing.

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Let’s Keep the Conversation Going

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• Need Therapist Leads?
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Real Talk Recap

Therapy is a lot like dating: exciting, awkward, deeply personal, and occasionally messy. But when you find the right fit, it can truly change your life. Don’t be afraid to “date around” until you discover someone who helps you dig deeper, grow stronger, and feel seen. After all, you’re worthy of support that meets you exactly where you’re at—no settling required.

So keep trusting your gut, asking hard questions, and leaning into that discomfort—because on the other side is the you who’s not just surviving but thriving. And that version of you is so, so worth it.

Stay curious, and keep advocating for yourself. There’s a world of difference between settling for “meh” and fighting for “hell yes!”