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When Love Dances Through Alzheimer’s: My Parents’ Story & 5 Ways to Empower Caregivers
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When Love Dances Through Alzheimer’s: My Parents’ Story & 5 Ways to Empower Caregivers

Vol 1, Issue 11

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Stephanie Lapre
May 06, 2025
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Lumani Unfiltered
When Love Dances Through Alzheimer’s: My Parents’ Story & 5 Ways to Empower Caregivers
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Disclaimer: All experiences and opinions shared here are personal and should not be taken as professional medical or mental health advice. Always consult a licensed healthcare professional for decisions related to your specific caregiving scenario or your loved one’s medical condition. Coverage, costs, and legal parameters vary by plan and location, so seek qualified guidance for your individual situation.


Where Our “Caregiver” Story Began

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling through old family photos when I stumbled on a shot of my parents dancing at a family party, all smiles and youth. They looked like they had the entire world in front of them—and in many ways, they did. Fast forward to this year, and I was filming a new dance: my parents celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in their living room. My dad, who now has Stage 4 Alzheimer’s, caught a glimmer of recognition when he heard one his favorite songs. He pointed to my mom, hummed a little, and swayed, the joy lighting up his face for just a moment.

That moment was pure magic, but it didn’t erase the challenges that come with Alzheimer’s. In what felt like an overnight shift, my dad went from driving to church and taking daily walks to the beach, to needing help with almost every activity—dressing, bathing, even eating. My mom—who spent decades partnering with him in everything from weekend home projects to life’s biggest decisions—was suddenly not just a wife, but a 24/7 caregiver. The emotional toll was heavy; she was watching her lifelong partner disappear in increments, all while carrying the burden of day-to-day tasks.

Still, my mom has discovered an inner strength she never thought she possessed. From heartbreak and confusion to a sense of mission, she’s become the epitome of a “caregiver warrior.” And as her daughter—a nurse leader and patient advocate myself—my perspective on caregiving was profoundly changed by their story. Today, I want to share the lessons we’ve learned. Because even in the darkest days, there can be small moments of light, kindness, and hope.


The Emotional Whirlwind & Why It Matters

Caregiving—especially for something like Alzheimer’s—is more than just “taking care of” someone. It’s equal parts grief, love, confusion, and a sense of duty that can be both empowering and draining. The loss you experience is different from a sudden event; it’s a slow, surreal process. Each morning you might notice a new piece of your loved one’s independence slipping away.

My mom often describes it as a constant state of “pre-grief.” On the outside, it can look like she’s just helping my dad with day-to-day tasks, but inside, she’s mourning the partner who used to laugh sarcastically, sharing stories across the table, every Friday date night, at their favorite local restaurant, happily chatting away about their weekend plans. Now, those conversations seem but a memory.

And yet, it’s a situation that countless families face—whether it’s a parent, spouse, or friend dealing with memory loss or another chronic condition. If that’s you, I want you to know you’re not alone. Below, I’ve compiled five tips my mom swears by, and at the end, we’ll talk about assembling a healthcare team that truly supports you in this journey.


5 Uplifting Tips My Mom Lives By

1. Tiny Rituals

One of the biggest game-changers for my mom was keeping small, consistent rituals that spark recognition and comfort for my dad. Every morning, she plays a snippet of their favorite song—the same one they danced to on their anniversary. Some days, he hums along; others, he barely reacts. But it sets a hopeful tone for the day.

Why It’s Important:
Routines offer a sense of predictability in a world where confusion can take over. Even if your loved one forgets certain details, the familiar sound or routine can bring brief moments of calm.

Pro Tip:
Whether it’s a song, a certain breakfast aroma, or a favorite blanket, look for small sensory cues that can bring joy.


2. Shared Moments (Feat. Ollie Bear)

We used to call them “check-ins,” but now we call them our “shared moments.” Throughout the week, I visit my parents, with my mini Goldendoodle, Ollie Bear. My dad may not remember my name all the time, but he lights up when Lil’ Bear trots in, wagging his fluffy tail. My mom cherishes these visits, too—they’re her reminder that she isn’t alone in this.

Why It’s Important:
Loneliness is one of the most overlooked problems for caregivers. Even a quick coffee break with a friend or a call from a family member can break the isolation. Inviting a furry friend can bring levity and smiles in ways words can’t.

Pro Tip:
Schedule short, positive interactions. If you can’t visit physically, a brief FaceTime or phone call can go a long way in restoring emotional balance. The key is consistency and genuine connection.


3. Self-Kindness (Saturdays Are Hers)

My mom used to feel guilty every time she left the house for something other than Dad’s medical appointments. Now, every Saturday, she takes a couple of hours just for herself. It might be running errands, chatting with a close friend, or even indulging in a short shopping trip. She calls this her “recharging time.”

Why It’s Important:
It’s easy to think you have to be available 24/7, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. Caregiver burnout is very real. By giving yourself permission to step away—even briefly—you come back more capable and clear-headed.

Pro Tip:
Block this time as non-negotiable. Let family or neighbors step in to help, or hire a short-term respite caregiver if needed. You’re not abandoning your loved one; you’re recharging to be a better caregiver.


4. Embrace Small Joys

Alzheimer’s might steal memories, but it can’t always erase the essence of a person. For my dad, the essence is his gentle spirit and kindness. My mom makes it a point to celebrate those flashes of recognition—like when he spontaneously pets Ollie Bear or hums a bar of a familiar tune.

Why It’s Important:
Focusing on what remains, rather than what’s lost, can shift your emotional perspective. It doesn’t minimize the sadness, but it does give you something positive to hold onto.

Pro Tip:
Keep a small notebook to jot down little victories or record short videos as a digital memory box. “Dad smiled at the sunrise,” “He recognized me for a second.” These notes become tangible reminders that love and connection still live there.


5. Ask Compassionate Questions

This one might be simple, but it’s huge: my mom learned to ask questions that prioritize my dad’s dignity. For example, she’ll ask his care team, “How do we ensure he feels respected and comforted today?” or “Which daily activities can still give him a sense of independence?”

Why It’s Important:
When you steer the conversation toward dignity and quality of life, healthcare professionals often remember there’s a person behind the patient. That small shift can influence how care plans are created and managed.

Pro Tip:
Before doctor visits, list two or three “dignity questions.” Example: “How can we keep him involved in the routines he used to love?” or “What small choice can he make each day?” You’d be surprised how opening this dialogue can transform your care plan.


Building a Real Healthcare Team

Sometimes, caregivers feel isolated, especially if medical professionals focus solely on the patient. But you can assemble a supportive “healthcare team” that includes:

  1. Primary Doctor & Specialists

    • Make sure they’re open to questions about quality of life, not just treatment protocols.

    • Ask about nurse hotlines or telehealth sessions for quick advice.

  2. Local Support Groups

    • Connect with other Alzheimer’s caregivers or disease-specific networks. They often share practical hacks or emotional support.

    • Ask about respite care programs or volunteer networks if you need a break.

  3. Pharmacist & Home Health Aides

    • A good pharmacist can help you navigate medication schedules and possible side effects.

    • Home health aides or visiting nurses can lighten the load on tasks like bathing or therapy sessions, giving you more time for “normal life.”

Remember: A healthcare team isn’t just doctors. It’s anyone who helps keep your loved one’s environment safe and comforting. That could include family, friends, neighbors, or even your mini Goldendoodle if they bring emotional relief.


Keep the Conversation Going

Want More Real-Life Caregiving Insights?
I share weekly on Substack, exploring everything from navigating tough insurance claims to finding those sweet, meaningful moments in the daily shuffle. Subscribe if you’d like more updates and personal stories that might remind you you’re not alone.

VIP Circle-Join the Waitlist
If you’re hungry for deeper healthcare navigation tips—beyond day-to-day caregiving—I’m launching a VIP Circle soon, with limited waitlist spots. We’ll delve into advanced resources, group Q&As, and case studies for caregivers juggling multiple doctors or complicated insurance issues. Jump on the list if that sounds like your jam.


Stay curious, and keep advocating for yourself—and for those you love. You may not have all the answers, but you don’t need to walk this path alone. Even in the midst of Alzheimer’s, there can be heartfelt dances, shared laughs, or gentle moments that remind you why you chose to care in the first place. My mom likes to say, “The memories might fade, but the love is still here.” And that, I believe, is where true caregiving strength is born.

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When Love Dances Through Alzheimer’s: My Parents’ Story & 5 Ways to Empower Caregivers
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